What happens when I'm low on energy (a.k.a. coffee, Mother Nature's Nectar)? You end up getting random lists about topics that tend to be on my mind. Tonight it's the gym, because I'm feeling guilty about the fact that I was too tired to go. So, without further ado:
A Profile of Typical Gym Habitants (to be extended or amended at any point in the future):
The Faker: This is never a good title to have, in any context that comes to mind. But you know them well. They come to the gym, walk around with their towel that never gets dirty and sip on their nalgene bottles...but never seem to DO anything. Oh, they might occasionally lift a weight or two. But most of their time is spent on the phone or chatting up the greeter at the front desk. For men, they can be recognized by their muscle tanks or Under Armor. Women prefer tight spandex and a sports bra only. The Faker's mindset is, "I get credit just for being here and looking good. Nobody will notice how much I'm repping."
Cardio Guy/Gal: As the name implies, this gym-goer is all about the cardio. The treadmill and elliptical are their weapons of choice, and they won't stop 'til they get enough! Cardio Guy or Gal seems oblivious to the sidelong, jealous glances they invoke after jogging 6 miles in 30 minutes. Their strength comes (seemingly) from within, and from the Techno Mix they have blasting through their iPod. See also: The Excessive Sweater.
The Overly-Loud-While-Lifting-Weights-To-Seem-Impressive Guy: Yup, there's always one. And the poor guy doesn't realize he is the source of both annoyance and amusement for the rest of the weight room. He grunts and whines while lifting weight that really isn't all that impressive. Guys smirk, and women shun him. Maybe one day he'll realize that grunting is not directly proportional to strength?
The Situationally Unaware Senior Citizen: He comes in donning short-shorts and knee-high socks. Sweat bands are common but not necessary. He invades your workout area and personal space, either without realizing or without caring. He stares down younger women with a slightly creepy air. And most of all, he doesn't realize that burping in the middle of the gym is not the sign of machismo that brings the ladies running or the men nodding with respect. Be careful to avoid direct eye contact when in the same vicinity, as it will most likely lead to "I wish I was your age again! I was repping twice that!"
The Behemoth: Man or woman, every gym needs a body builder of intense proportions. They overshadow all competition, literally. Their protein shake and weight belt are never far from their side, and they seem to feed off the obvious envy and awe they provoke. More than likely, the gym is comping their membership just for the good PR it's providing them. You've either said it or thought it in their presence: "Dayumm!"
Old Naked Guy/Lady in the Locker Room: You can't run, and you can't hide. They're right there, when you are least expecting it, in some unflattering angle in the mirror. You shudder. But there they are for all the world, shamelessly donning their birthday suit and rubbing on lotion post-sauna soak.
The Unassuming Gym Rat: He or she is there on schedule every week. They come in and execute their workout routines with precision, endurance and focus. They garner respect not because of their appearance, or the persona they give off, but because they are the real deal. There to exercise, push their limits and look at themselves as their own worst critic. Here's to you, Unassuming Gym Rat! I like to think that I aspire to your greatness :)
<3 SVL
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